I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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