Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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