I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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