I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
