Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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