Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
