Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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