Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
