wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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