you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
