I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
