I wish I could teleport
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
