yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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