Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
