I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
