Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Four minutes until I can fart!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize