My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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