Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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