Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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