My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
