I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
