I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
