I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
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