It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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