You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I need moral support for this bender
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
