For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
