bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
