She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
