just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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