you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
