3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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