Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
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