After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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