We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
