There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
