Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
