do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
