i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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