come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
