Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
