They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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