I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
