cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
