Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
