My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You're like the curious george of whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize