If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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