last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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