What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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