You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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