last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
