i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize