capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
