i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
dude. I can hear the air.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
