she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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