I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
