you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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