I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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