being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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