i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
