she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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