Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
