Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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