When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
