if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
