I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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