but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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