I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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