i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
