the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
