So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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