i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
