thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
